Week 4 – Script Feedback


After class we did a reading of all the scripts together. What jumped out at me was the characters all significantly changed. Joe was assertive, then insecure, then assertive again. Bunny was sweet, then really rough then sweet again. So I recommended the show-runner do more of a character breakdown with photos and a character arc so everyone can see exactly how the characters are progressing and adjust their script accordingly. Here are the official character summaries from the production bible.

Joe is the common variety mushroom that grows in
the shadow of something much larger. In this instance,
it’s his famous twin brother, Andy.
Joe is dependable, loveable and… a little boring. His
immediate instinct is to say ‘No’ to life out of fear but,
in his deepest part… Joe wishes he could be like his
brother… doing something, being someone.
Transcending his life as just an “Average Joe”.
Bunny is ambitious. She’s the queen of the porn
kingdom but, she has dreams of being a “real”
Hollywood star.
A little bit past her prime but, still determined to
follow her heart, she is resilient and positive.
Never having children herself but, possessing great
warmth, she is the caring and encouraging voice when
a situation gets tough.
Ex-Porn superstar and self-appointed King of Smut,
the one and only Dickie Rammer, has a plan. Believing
himself to be the Kubrick of gang bangs, he is
committed to making the greatest porno of all time
and cementing his name on porn history worldwide.
Determined, cocky and smart, Dickie isn’t beyond a
shady dealing or beneficial partnership. And when his
determination sets in… get undressed, or get lost!

The group liked my script for episode 5 of Average Joe, draft 1! However I received more information about the story which means I need to re-write some of it. For example the porn scene specifically needs to be ‘Clitopatra’ and not an accounting one that I originally wrote for. Joe’s ex finally has a name (Darlene). Also, instead of Bunny going to the airport she is just at the exit door.

This is the episode 5 summary that I’m working from:

Triumphant, he storms onto set and bangs better than any man has banged
before! Leaving no hole un-plunged, he creates a final scene to “Clitopatra” that’ll
give the world shivers!
Basking in the celebration of his triumph, Joe fails to notice that Bunny has snuck
away (as she always planned).
He runs after her, trying to catch her before it’s too late! Just in time, he finds her,
grabs her for one last embrace and tries to say his goodbyes. But, he can’t. He
doesn’t want to let go of her.
Oh god… he’s in love!

As a recap, here is version 1

Script Average Joe ep4 (1)

And here is version 2

Script Average Joe ep5



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